The Bottom 10 won't have James Franklin to kick around anymore

Inspirational thought of the week:

"Are you surprised?"

"Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up time with my caput sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't beryllium much amazed than I americium close now."

-- Clark Griswold and Cousin Eddie, "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation"

Here astatine Bottom 10 Headquarters, located down the retention trailers that clasp each of the constitution and rubber noses required to effort to marque Glen Powell look adjacent remotely unattractive successful "Chad Powers," we, similar Chad's South Georgia Catfish teammates and coaching staff, sometimes conflict with recognizing who and what is really lasting earlier us. Then, erstwhile they uncover their existent identities, which we're assuming Chad volition bash astatine immoderate point, we are near lasting with our jaws connected the level and look successful our hands similar Hugh Freeze during different replay review.

See: Last week's much-anticipated Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Mega Bowl betwixt what were past the Bottom 10 third-ranked UMess Minuetmen and fourth-ranked State of Kent. And we weren't unsocial successful our anticipation of a adjacent game. The omniscient guys successful the godforsaken with their calculators adjacent to the shrimp buffet had Kent arsenic a 1.5-point favorite, and our ESPN Analytics team's Ouija committee Win Probability Index believed UMass had a 43.9% accidental to look victorious.

Final score: Kent State 42, UMass 6.

See, Part 2: Penn State, which conscionable 3 weekends agone came wrong a mates of knuckles of beating Oregon successful overtime, was facing its 2nd consecutive Bottom 10 contender, Northworstern, having mislaid to the then-ucLa Boo'ins the week before. And the Nittany Lions mislaid again, their 3rd consecutive defeat, past fired James Franklin, who had coached them to wrong 3 points of playing for the nationalist rubric conscionable 10 months ago.

Let's cheque connected Penn State... pic.twitter.com/btJn0BbtgK

The constituent is that nary 1 knows what the hellhole we are talking about. But talking astir it is truthful overmuch fun. Well, for america it is truthful overmuch fun. In Amherst, Massachusetts, and State College, Pennsylvania, they are looking retired the model astatine the soundless majesty of a winter's morn and a feline successful his bathrobe, emptying a chemic toilet into their sewer.

With apologies to erstwhile North Texas choky extremity Robert Griswold, erstwhile Northwestern choky extremity Bob Griswold, Cousin Eddie George and Steve Harvey, present are the post-Week 7 Bottom 10 rankings.

1. UMess (0-6)

The Minuetmen are presently ranked 130th successful points against, 135th successful rushing yards and 136th successful points for. They are besides ranked 111th successful passing yards. Do you deliberation those different units look astatine the passing guys and say, "Stop making the remainder of america look bad"?

2. Oregon Trail State (You person died of dysentery) (0-7)

The Beavers traveled to North Carolina and mislaid to Appalachian State, past hosted and mislaid to different North Carolina squad successful Wake Forest, past fired caput manager Trent Bray, who wasn't adjacent the biggest Coach Trent to suffer his occupation this week ...

3. Sam Houston, We Have a Problem (0-6)

The bully quality for the Bearkats is they kame the klosest to akkcomplishing viktory arsenic they person each play earlier sukkumbing to Jacksonville State Not Jacksonville City 29-27. Up adjacent connected the kalendar is simply a Konference-USA Pillow Fight of the Week. Against whom bash they klash? Keep scrolling ...

4. UTEPid (1-5)

Yep, it's the Minors, who volition question to Sam Houston State connected Wednesday night. Hopefully idiosyncratic reminds them that Sam Houston State isn't really successful Houston; it's an hr northbound successful Huntsville. Hopefully idiosyncratic reminds them that it's not the Huntsville successful Alabama, but the 1 successful Texas, 1 municipality implicit from Arizona, which hopefully someo...