A real-life vampire probably couldn’t survive on blood alone

Vampires person been stalking the quality imaginativeness for centuries. These fictional creatures instrumentality galore forms, including the celebrated Count Dracula and Morbius of the Marvel Universe. But astir stock 1 feature: long, razor-sharp teeth. These fangs assistance vampires wound the necks of victims to feast connected their blood.

Many existent bloodthirsty creatures beryllium successful nature. Vampire bats are possibly the astir famous. Mosquitoes and ticks besides marque the list, arsenic bash some spiders and moths. But it would beryllium hard to crook a quality assemblage — adjacent an undead 1 — into a blood-drinking monster. 

“We can’t past the mode vampires do,” says David Begun. This paleoanthropologist studies however apes, including humans, evolved. He works astatine the University of Toronto successful Canada. In existent life, nary primates past connected blood, Begun notes. To bash so, vampires would request to rework some the mouths and guts that humans inherited from our plant-eating ancestors.

My, what large teeth you have

In fashionable media, vampires puncture tegument utilizing knifelike precocious canine teeth. Humans occasionally usage their canines to teardrop food, too. But immoderate vampire would astir apt conflict to reliably interruption skin. “Our canines are wholly unsuited to piercing anything,” says Begun. “They look much similar incisors, our beforehand teeth.”

Human canines person dilatory shrunk implicit time. Like galore primates contiguous — including our adjacent cousins, chimpanzees and gorillas — our ancestors erstwhile sported large, pointed canines. These awesome teeth would person adjacent sharpened themselves by rubbing against neighboring molars.

But anthropologists fishy that these flashy teeth weren’t chiefly for eating. Instead, past apes astir apt utilized them to intimidate rivals and support themselves. Over time, these teeth grew smaller arsenic our ancestors evolved to unrecorded successful cooperative groups. Less warring betwixt males near small request for specified ample canines.

Vampires would person to revert to large canines, says Begun. Those teeth would besides request to beryllium overmuch sharper, much similar the teeth of the lone existent blood-drinking mammals: vampire bats. 

These humor sippers usage their 2 beforehand incisors to make tiny incisions successful their prey. Unlike quality teeth, these incisors don’t person enamel. This allows them to stay permanently crisp and to not deterioration down implicit time. “No primate has specified crisp canines that would let that benignant of happening to happen,” says Begun. 

Unlike their fictional counterparts, vampire bats (such arsenic the 1 seen here) don’t suck blood. Instead, these nocturnal predators usage their precocious incisors to pierce skin. Saliva containing anticoagulants past enters the wound, which prevents humor from clotting. The tiny bats past usage their tongues to thigh up the oozing blood. Gabriel Mendes/iStock/Getty Images Plus

Even movies that amusement vampires increasing crisp canines astatine volition would beryllium unrealistic. If taken attraction of, our imperishable teeth don’t alteration overmuch implicit the people of our lives. Instead, the size, fig and signifier of our teeth are each preset by our genes.  

“There are rodents that person continuously increasing incisors,” says Begun. Beavers, squirrels and rats are a fewer examples. “But they can’t bash it astatine will.” In fact, these rodents indispensable grind their teeth oregon gnaw connected hard items specified arsenic wood and bony to support them short. If near unchecked, overgrown incisors tin inte...